That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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