do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
