That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
