He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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