I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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