I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Sext me about skeletons
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
