I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
