There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
