i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
now i know why i became what i already was.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
it's great music for shaving your balls
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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