So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
