Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
