Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I just found puke in my bra..
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
