i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize