So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
