Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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