I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
