My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I had to cum in my sink.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
