I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
And then he peed in my hair
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