i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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