You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
