so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
