Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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