i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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