Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
