Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Randomize
