Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
