I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Randomize
