Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
