I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
