ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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