I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
