For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
