Christians are straight up FREAKS
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
