I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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