DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
