Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
