I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
