I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
