Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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