What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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