woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
