if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
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