I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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