Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Randomize
