I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
