I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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