Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
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