One girl and one boy is just not enough.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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