You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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