My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
