Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Randomize
