By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
