I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
