Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
