So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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