i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
