I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
