what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
