I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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