u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
How naked do you want me to be?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
