My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
