honey bunches of taint.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
