I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Randomize
