of course. lets lasso hookers.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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