My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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