Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
