Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize