Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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