She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
