Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
