Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
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