Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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