Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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