2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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