We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize